受宠若惊

I am caught in shock...

yesterday was fetching a guy colleague home.. I just told him i not feeling well so leaving soon. he wanted to take a ride.

Once i come out from the wash room, he was standing at the lift. Spoke to me:

"are you ok?"

then took his hand jz put on my forehead.

"no fever ah..."

i was caught in deep surprise and shock, paused for a moment to response.

"err.. nothg la, jz feeling dizzy"

Lift arrived and we walked in.

"I've history of Low Blood Pressure, so easy feel dizzy.."

I really don know wat to say. Hope I did not thk too much. Just a surprise.

I thk I hope the most is another person who will do this to me, concern n care for me.

But, he will not.

Text him, but he no reply.

Hate that he don't reply.

My 2010 resolution, check & count down to 2011

Reading through my blog, found i did make a 2010 resolution. wow, i almost forgot... Let's see how's my progress...

Taken on 16 Feb 2010...

===============================================================================================================

2010 here d... have been quite some time.... but I had not set any resolution to achieve/ target/ a vision for this year...

1. to be more patience : I think I did a little improved... but still not there yet. Need work harder!
2. Become back the wai san used to be - patience, considerate, caring : NOPE...still not there :( But, got better
3. smile more : Someone told me I'm happier tis yr.. did I smile more? I thk so...
4. be happier : same as no. 3
5. travel to HK and 1 more place : NOT DONE!!! Try again!
6. be considerate, caring : hehe, repetitive again.. I thk I do, but i did more bad thgs, complaint also...
7. believe in GOD, he over charge everythg : :( very sorry to God, I always forget to pray. But I do believe him!! need improve more...
8. believe with own heart, be confidence : yes, managed to, need more courage & guidance
9. find back self value : LOST!!! still.... gain a little, lost it halfway :(
10. be open minded, be positive. : yes, done it!! :D
11. spend more time for myself : I did, off work earlier!!! OT lesser.. haha.. but still alot. But did alot thgs for myself this yr!! Not bad :D
12. read more : Yes!! I finished 1 book frm Him (The Blind Side), Eat Pray Love.. yay, let see if I can do it another book this yr :)
13. go more places : errr... did, manage drive alone to cheras, wangsa maju....
14. do what is right, keep away from wrong : still did some wrong stuffs :( but did also some good ones :)
15. talk less, complaint no more : NO... FAIL!!! Still complaint alot.. BAD
16. work harder : yes, I thk so :)
17. eat less, exercise more, go to gym more : NOPE!!! Eat more n more, gym no more :( Especially after redang
18. think of him lesser, slowly to no more : Yes, I did!!! but imbalance sometimes :S
19. a new car/ house : Bought a NEW CAR!! YAY!! 1st Aug 2010!!
20. save more $$ : Errr.. NOT REALLY :( But have some savings :)

Wish me luck

================================================================================================================

: - my comment checked, if I have achieved.

Looks like not bad..but also need work harder..Let count as at now, what's my achievement??

10 or 20!! wow.. not bad.. 50%.... yay!!

Long to go!!

Let's do another one at 31st dec 2010 again :)

Good Luck

He fell sick

today he fell sick already... half day MC

Later at late evening, abt 7.30pm, got to know he got high fever... he always sick.

Don't dare text him, let him rest.

Take care!

Dear Lord, pls heal him & keep him in your great protection. Thanks!

07.12.2010

today is public holiday... where is he ?

miss him.

why he is hot & cold? what he intend to do? play with my feelings?

proof that he is loved by alot ppl?

dating? then pls tell the whole world pls!! especially to me

then why don't let me go?

Let me go.... Don't keep me

Lord, why am i getting imbalance...

Lord I suppose do more meaningful thgs rite? So sorry... I m just so useless.

My prayer:

Dear Lord, I should do more meaningful stuff. Should pray for my dear fren Hian Kwang. Lord, please put ur healing hands on him. Let him recover soon.

Dear Lord, as well pls let Sam (my aunt's doggie) get well soon, and fast recovery frm the surgery.

Dear Lord, please give me strength & courage.

Dear Lord, please bless ppl like my aunt, my mum, my dad, my both sis, my bos wic is him, my frens.

Dear Lord, thank you for wonderful days & also tough times so I can be stronger.

Dear Lord, Thank you for ur uncountible blessings upon me.

Dear Lord, thank you thank you.

Amen.

my bos = him

Once I though I am so disappointed & cold heart... I tot of let go...

On 29th nov, I was called into director room. Director asked alot questions, scared me... telling me wanna transfer me to another dept... :(

so worried.. later handed me an envelope.. keep urging me open n c... inside is a letter to retain me...

i asked why me? he said was discussed with my bos etc... sudden, i was speechless due to don't know how to response.. it came so sudden..

After coming out frm director's room, I waited for chances to talk to him.. but didnt had the opportunity..

So I reached home, struggled awhile whether to call him. And finally took up the courage n dial his no. Told him.. quiet frm his end, frm the other end of the phone, just hear him...

"ummm.. and then.. and then.." then laugh..

"belanja makan, when belanja?"

" want belanja makan or not?" hahaha

hang up the phone... and felt tat I was so bad.. all the while take him not understand, but he did a little thg at the back..

on 30th, worked late. car was parked at B3.. requested him to accompany me to car park.. also.. again.. ask by him "when belanja makan?" hehe

I asked him back chasing him at the back down the stairs "wat u want to eat?"

hearing him walking the stairs " let me think first.."

felt sweet & warmt.. thanks to him..

And thanks to God for opening my eyes & mind

I hope he will also come to know my God one day...

God, pls always protect this Good Man of mine..

04.09.2010

very miss him...
he got new girl fren d?

31/08 - i was sick, i so miss him tat i wish he will gif me a sms.. hahaha

miss him why?

14/08/2010 Diary

:( i know he travel for holiday, i indeed felt very happy ler..
But I missed him.. knowing I can't see him for a long time... and I also fell sick.. when i fell sick, I so wish to tell him.. But who am i wor to manja him?

Grace talked about him n his ex...
Is he really such a person? Lord, I wanted him to know u, believed in you... can u make him see u too?

Wish him have a safe travel journey.. :) Dear Lord, pls keep him safe always. Thanks thanks!

11/08/2010 Diary

Today, for once I stand so closed to him... actually was teaching him how to txt in chinese...
thought I'll have a fast heart beat standing closed to him... but it seems so calm n cool...

i didn't purposely stand closed to him, just the reflection of his hp, I can't see the image... so i have to stick close...

Is it the crush has over? haha... but then if so, why this morning, when i saw his car was in front of me on the road, i wish to catch up... then when i m closed, I felt my leg just soften.. heart beat went a little fast.. but I know I have soft legs then.... he drove so so fast... wow..

Or I wish I could be with him privately... But he seems also so normal to stand beside me just now.......

why? I am confused..

19/07/2010 - A day that miss him again...

19/07/2010 - 他生病了。。。

他病倒了... 伤风吧...想给他伤风药，可是他却回了。

最近他很忙吗?很希望他过得好，却害怕他找到了另一伴。矛盾。

他生日快到了。正寻找着laptop backpack 给他。却还未找到。swissgear 的很不错，但却找不到。忘了今天mission，是寻找laptop backpack...

虽然有点贵，可是很想给最好的。明天一定要记得留意他是否买了新的。

约他出来吃饭，好吗?

不知道，因为他感觉上很忙。好想告诉他，偷偷的告诉他， 喜欢他。

想你

今天4月30日， closing...
和他一会儿走下lobby...

回到家，想他了呢...
问起他是否会出席其中同事的婚礼，他说没有，然后接着说，那你们enjoy 啦...
我静了。

踏出lift，他解释说因为不想出席这位的，下位的没有出席， 那他们就会作比较。所以统统不出席。

现在回想,是真的吗? 最近， 没有时常在周末看见他online 了。不知他去了哪里。不禁让我回想就如当初他有了女朋友那时，周末也是时常不在。 是有新女朋友了吗? 还是复合了? 他在FB 放了一首以他女朋友的名的歌... 他想念她了吧... 或许再宣扬吧?

我真的想他了。。。

想你...

I miss the feeling of yesterday

I miss the feeling of yesterday..

the feeling of enjoying da dinner with him.. nvr felt so no boundaries, I hv put down worrying his perception on me.. haha.. so free n relax

Happy happy to get his pressie, as was not expected.. (felt bad that had misund him for not remembering me)

Enjoyed the ride he sent me home.. Not sure how he felt.. coz he seems cool... or is the normal act he used to hv sending gals home.. he had sent so many of them.. hahaha
but i do miss the feeling of talking, laughing, "beating" him in the car.. miss the sudden brake, and we moving forward.. haha, me thinking my hands could stop him.. haha..
missed talking with him in the car.. wish it could be more... like to sit in his car, felt very secured when he drives.. love to sit next to him...

I miss the feeling of yesterday... Yesterday once more.... pls..

I miss him.. miss..

Lord, TQ! it must hv been u.. Thanks for the favour

22/03/2010 diary

Lately why he seems so cold to me?
He don't ask abt me, even my msn msg seems down.
My fb no longer has his comment yet I cud c his comment all over at other ppl'sm
Really that I nvr even cross his mind?
Or I had really mean nothg at all already?

Wat happen?
Isn't it I have told myself forget it?
Why I still feeling so down?

Lord, pls help me.
I even hv a sudden dun wanna hv dinner wit him anymore.
But I also at the same time wish to c him..
I even hope I don b too cool also. Hahahaha
If really not meant to be, I dreamt abt him holding me.
Also dreamt him denying me. :(
Sad. I juz felt confused n miserable.
Perhaps all also my fault for letting my heart fallen for him..

Dear Lord, pls help me. Can I hv a wonderful day wit him?

Want you to be there alwayz

Last thurs (11/03), met him @ gym.. suddenly he was mentioning somethg not my bos already...
I so worried, but continue my gym w/o further asking..

Next day, i text him and ask.... he juz gave a simple reply.. can't say. no worry
I texted him back :

"Haha okok, shall no worry for my bos, coz he is big, smart n bravo. haha.. Shall wait for da time of reveal.. Juz abit :( .. no worry... ganbatte!"

----no reply frm him----

But today, a sudden he IM me, welcoming me back frm work...
the mentioning tat he assured me he is not goin off unless they dont want him... then ended with the new bos may not want him.. juz info.. haha...

I felt so so sad reading the IM... I dont wish not to see him anymore.. I really want the best thg tat can goes for him..

I replied his IM : " oki oki, i'll keep to myself.. but why he/ she don want u wor... mayb i don know how tis politics is played.. hmmm, i'll make da wish for u on my day.. :) "

----no reply frm him----

really wish he could catch my heart... but my main concern is still he to be there, successful, happy, joyful!

:'(

2010 - Resolution

2010 here d... have been quite some time.... but I had not set any resolution to achieve/ target/ a vision for this year...

1. to be more patience
2. Become back the wai san used to be - patience, considerate, caring
3. smile more
4. be happier
5. travel to HK and 1 more place
6. be considerate, caring
7. believe in GOD, he over charge everythg
8. believe with own heart, be confidence
9. find back self value
10. be open minded, be positive.
11. spend more time for myself
12. read more
13. go more places
14. do what is right, keep away from wrong
15. talk less, complaint no more
16. work harder
17. eat less, exercise more, go to gym more
18. think of him lesser, slowly to no more
19. a new car/ house
20. save more $$

Wish me luck !!!

CNY 2010

CNY 2010 - Tiger year!!!

I was hoping he will sms me... last yr, the day before CNY already got his msg.. tis yr day 2 only get. Felt happy. I dont know...

This yr, is it i anticipate too much for this CNY... its seems juz busy-ness and not as much fun used to be...

I missed him... Want to let go loh... yes really!!!

Sigh.... :( i very useless...

26/01/2010 tues...

Feeling down.. lonely
almost wanna cry...

he sms other colleague than me..
anyway, i recalling alot of thgs he done to me.. slowly, can only see those sad thgs...
when i went cyber he was malacca enjoying wit a group of girls...

somemore next day say wanna sms me abt cyber thgy.. so did he.. ? NO... instead gave me many hurting words... is it wrong wit me or him?

i was never in his list.... i m not his fren...

sad....

mousie :[

心里真的很难受...

我真的是他的朋友吗?
刚刚一伙儿吃晚餐。他坐在我的车内， 静静的。一声也没出，一句话也没说。去也是，回也是。我们好像是陌生人似的。

是我吗? 那我下回不参与了吧。

他跟别人说要请客两位同事。心中难受极了。因为我问他，要他请客starbucks/ chilis... 却让他说我有点无理取闹。

我真的很不开心。让我撒娇一会儿也行吧?

我从未闹脾气，可是这回我真的很沮丧...

请关心我，好吗?
你明天会去马六甲玩了，还会记得我吗? 还是你找到了新玩伴。我又是什么?

Somethg nice as a compliment but was spoilt

Feeling down..

I loaded up a pic on facebook.. thinking as a compliment of him.. as he is the only bos which bought chocolates (gifts) for staffs..
I tagged him. but after tat it was removed. I asked why.. he just hehehe. .there..
I was feeling down... why for once he remembered what he said to me?
do u know.. u said many many thgs to me.. did u keep any of those? or try to remember?
U say, bring me for a starbuck drink
U said.. house warming will invite me
U said.. got time, chat wit me
U said.. bring me n my fren for nice food
U said.. u owe me a pressie.. u said goonaa get one back for me...
U said.. thgs are goonna get better
U said.. tat're wat frens are for...
U said.. u'll remember thgs u said..
So, are you?

:(