22/11/2009 - i missing him

I mising him now...

hwc, where r u? r u there? wanna tell u i m sick...
wanna tell u i do miss you...

hope to see you and be by ur side... quietly also is sufficient

deflated & down...

have a chat with someone.. she told me, he sayang someone alot. she can see it, and I believed that.
Once, he said he sayang me alot too... hahahahaha.. now when i ponder back, dont know is it true or just for the sake of saying...

ya, at a point, me n this person agree, hwc is a rare spesies and hard to predict and even harder to know when he is true, when he is not....

lord, how many times had I said and decided to let go & give up? and also how many times i had done otherwise? lord, i m so useless....

this time, i want to give up too? will I soon forgotten abt it and soften my heart...?
why he alwayz have that "magic" to do it on me?

Lord, i read an article frm the newspaper. it mentioned that why a guy seems so slow. basically there are several reasons. either is really he dont like u, but he dont wanna hurt you.
either is he just wanna play around wit you. either or he is not sure, would want to take a longer time. or he may be a gay.. (hahaha.. he is very closed with a guy, will he, is he?)
I felt the reason 1 fits (ahahha.. i m so sad when i read, and first eyed to this reason)...

dear lord.. if if he really dont like me. can he dont suddenly so nice to me? is he now showing all his coldness to me, mean is the answer? then why when i chose to give up, he there to come and stirred up my feelings? I am so so useless.....

i m feeling very down..
and many other issues.. i m getting worser and worser.. bad temper and sometimes i felt i m goin crazy d.. almost...
what can I do, where's the wai san used to be?
i start to hate myself too, i so felt to cry...

thank you, Lord.

thank you Lord, It must be you again.... for the reward. i was caught in surprise...
thanks..

I watched 2012. It show you always provided a way out for every situation...
This morning, I was thinking, I hope if one day, when I am with you, I hope I am a little girl, sit beside you, putting my head on your lap, listening to you... how wonderful it will be...

thank you lord..

11-11-2009 diary

dear lord,

pls help me.. give me more strength to move on...

he do really care me? on sunday nite, he sms-ed me.. it really warmth me..
I know it must have be u, lord. Thank you!

sometimes i wish I could talk to him more... but it nvr seems to happen..
talk to him as in no complain, talk, chit chat
why he can talk to anybody else so much.. can i too?

dear lord.... pls help me..

A dream

last nite, i had a dream..

I dreamt he got a gf already.. saw him holding hands with her.. she has a long straight hair..
and it was Hebe (hahaha.. the one frm SHE)...
he admitted that she's is her girlfriend..

Previously, i asked if he is dating.. he replied : to be very honest, no time to date, all juz work..
and I had such a dream? is it true?

Once he told me, if is a bad dream, after saying it out, it will not happen, it will be fine..
So, is tis a good dream or bad?

dont know

what's wrong?

he is cold, he is hot... what he want?
I dont know.. please treat me nice, ok?

can you feel? or u dont want, just tell me straight...

that's all.. I dont know u...