又犯毛病了

只想和他有多点话题。告诉他我会一个人飞去上海，他却冷冷淡淡的。也不多问一些。 几时飞啊? 等等问题，都没有。

难道，我的事情真的一点兴趣也没有? 连敷衍我一点都不行吗?

有时在想，我真的比不上他的朋友。在他心中真的有我这位朋友吗?

原以为我做到了。对他不想讲太多。可是最近又犯毛病了。因为他主动和我说话，所以我又犯毛病了。

不行，我要离他远一点!

我被删除了吗?

我被删除了吗?

发现他好像不同了。

他不再关心我了。

我被删除了吗?

 还是他在努力的掩饰着?

还是他真的有了对象，不再理我了?

他可以坦诚告诉我发生了什么事吗?

告诉他

原来他真的从未察觉我的心意.

真的有一股冲动想告诉他

"我很想爱他"

可是也怕这一说，什么都没有了。

可是，不说成了我心中的背包.

他真的啪拖了。对象也被我猜中了。哈哈哈

! 心痛极了!

告诉了他，就永远藏起来吧

! 好吗?

好让我好好的释放出来吧

! 从此，就此画上句点。。。

慧珊，加油

! 告诉他吧!

Fly day.. Gonna miss Him

Gonna fly to HK at 4pm today...

Yesterday at work, I IM him to tell him indirectly i m gonna be away for few days.
He didnt ask where m i going, just say on leave ka...

I wish he could ask more :( I will really miss him...

Wish that can always have him by myside. :)

Hold your hand...

I dreamt, a few times, holding a firm n warmt hand of a guy.. I hardly can see the person's face...
But I know is him... He always appeared in my dreams...

If we weren't meant together, why I always dream of you? especially to hold my hand...
Is it because there was once I fell, I grabbed your hand so tight till today I can't forget the warmt of your hand...

I read a dream analysis report, it say, if you dreamt of holding someone's hand, good luck will come...
Is it true? when my luck of holding your hand will come again... ?

Where is he? Kept thinking about him, why?
Is it true that he already seeing someone?

I keep thinking, isn't there's no fate between us?
That's why, it's so near/ close, yet seems so far away....

I really just wanna keep very very quiet until he don't see me around...
Just wanna shrink to very very tiny until is unnoticeable....

想着你...

你现在想着谁有 没有和我相同的感觉...

He always appear in my mind... I wonder if one day will get crazy thinking of him?

18.05.2011

Today he is MC/ EL?

I also not feeling well, diarhea and feel cold & weak... He did not online or on FB...
Is he very sick? Or what had happened?

Thinking, if one day, he finally found his d other one, how am I going to move on?
Is he already have someone?

Heart feeling very down.. How much I wish he is around...
To see his update somewhere is enough to warmt me...

Dear Lord, why? Tell me how to go on?

安静了，想着你

安静了，想着你。但愿可以静静地在你身边。生病了。身体生病了，心也病了

Diary : 13.05.2011

Had dinner with ex-colleague. She said she heard he got girl friend already..
I don't know I replied..
Heart feel very down... Yeah, he is going back very early...

Today, didnt talk to him at all.. Just seen him only..
Heart feel very down, wanna feel at the side of him. When with him, i can feel safe, secured...
Like I no need to worry...

Just because I like him, I guess....

Where is he? Facebook don't see him too :'(

Gave Him a call

After the incident, it keep circling in my mind...

So i gave him a call, tot trying my luck, if he does pick up, then i will say. The dial tone keep rang, but no one answer, then the operator put on saying the receipient is not answering at the moment.

So i tot just give up. Awhile later he called back. I told him got somethg wanna talk.. then he say ok la next tues la.. so bad. I stopped him say i wanna complaint abt my bos...

He just laugh and laugh and finally told me to forget abt her... then i said i wanna take back my decision can? he pretended not hearing it, say happy holiday, have a nice rest n good bye.

I reluctantly say bye.

And the conversation Hanged!

He says...

Today at Facebook, he updated a status : " Friends are like shoes. Some loose some tight. Some fit just right & they help us as we walk through life. "

hmmm.. am I the one that play an important role? Or will I just be a passer by...?

I wish he is still my bos. But I even wish we are closer friends...
But I can't feel he is ...

:(

He fell sick...

He fell sick d...
I was very busy... hardly see him these days.. felt I've not spoke to him since ages....

I m feeling very down, miss him though..
today met him @ lift during lunch hr.. I m always in a messed up situation.. I was suppose to get out at Ground floor but when lift stops at U1...i just got out without realising... Don't know what is running in my mind...

Saw him very moody, not just expression though.. Thought of speaking to him after back frm meeting. Rush n rush, when reach carpark, saw his car gone, slights of disappointment swipe through my heart...

Apparently, he fell sick already.. went home early... I after work about 8pm, dropped him a sms just asking him to take care n take a good rest.. Didnt expect him to reply though thinking he might be sleeping... but how much the heart wanted he does reply.. he did but was so simple : "ok will do"... my heart also felt down as I don't hv much response frm him...

Seeing him actively @ facebook, then he shd be fine.

Dreamt him few days back.. LOL... the dream, can't remember did I kissed him? or he did? hahaha...

I think I'm crazy thinking of him.. I just wanna be as cold as possible.. As I also facing alot problem in my work.. I do feel so down, I just want to keep quiet... very quiet...

Felt telling the new bos of mine, pls leave me alone & let me quietly do my work... I m feeling very stress....

I am just feeling so down.. I do wish he can speak to me though...
Sob sob...

Very sad

Hey there... I feel very sad... he is busy.. no time for me.. on the other hand, I am very stress and can't fit into the new place... feel sophiscated. I really miss him as a good boss.. I wish I could tell him more talk to him more... heart is really sorrow.... i wish to cry again yesterday cried sadly... today i feel like crying again :( I saw his FB a gal ajak him movie somemore... wah, looks like he is so so popular.. everyone just wanna go out wit him... I feel so sad.. Now we get closer, I jst so worry it will just gone d... I like to quietly stay around his side... but now is so far from him d... :( dEAR Lord..... I really miss him alot... I thk I really like him alot.. how ?

Misses him so alot

Transferred to the new dept for 3 weeks already... misses him alot... heart still feel the sorrows... but had to hide it... scared the relationship which was getting better will lost becoz this transfer :( So sad....

Transferred

With effect 1st march, I have transferred to antoher dept upon being requested. He've asked me several times, I've to say yes for the benefits of the bigger picture.

After being transferred, I felt I can't accept the fact, he is no longer my bos. We will not be as close as before.

Last sat, 12th march, we worked on a slides which he need to present to higher management. Enjoyed the working with him, getting his teasing, and me also "manja" abit to him. Never felt so closed in work.

How long more I could sustain without him being my bos, close supervisor, mentor and friend.
Very miss him but I can't show it. :(

Wish him well.!

这是爱吗? 你...我是傻瓜

为什么?
为什么当我正要开心过来，事情往往突有改变?

正在听着<我的野蛮王妃>的两首主题曲。
想起了他。
这两首歌，是我清楚记得，那时他有了新女朋友时的。

现在，我放下了许多。
不 过，我还是依然对他有感觉。
今 天是情人节。可是我们却没有表示。

他是否有喜欢我吗?
还是自己想多了?
不知道...

沉溺在歌曲中...
<这是爱吗?>
<你...我是傻瓜>

Like the feel with him

Today have a dinner date with him & ex-colleague cum fren.
Is a gathering dinner we used to have n this time to celebrate my fren birthday.

Was thinking long enuff to offer that I should drive him there instead of we drive individually.
Took up the courage told him, it's a new car, let me fetch him. Surprisingly, he agreed! Happy ^^

On the way there, he "inspect" my new car, analysing the new interior of vios.
Happy to be next to him, not talking about work. I felt the wall between us seems not there, like this natural feel, be next to him is so natural, so comfort, so secured, so nice!

Had dinner. Had chat. Found out his current status. He said he is now tie to work, not thinking others (serious? sad.... means he doesn't want a relationship)
Talk about his house. Admire him talking, me listening closely. In between jokes n some teasing. Nice!

After dinner, fetching him back to office. He sighing he is getting poorer as many thgs need $$. I consoled him said, hey bos, it's new year! Let's say : Bos u're very rich! haha..
Then he further inspect my car... talking about some technical stuff gals nvr notice. Great hearing him explained.

Finally reach office. Wish time passed by a little slower, wished that the journey was a bit longer...
Dropped him off at lobby, saying thanks to him. He wishing me safe journey home & have a nice weekend.

The day ended with my sms to him : TQ for the meal :) U too have a nice weekend!
Usual he never replied.

Like the feel be with him. Like it when we not talking about work.
Like that the wall seems broken... Like the feel that it's so natural!

Thanks to God!

He fell sick

today he fell sick already... half day MC

Later at late evening, abt 7.30pm, got to know he got high fever... he always sick.

Don't dare text him, let him rest.

Take care!

Dear Lord, pls heal him & keep him in your great protection. Thanks!

my bos = him

Once I though I am so disappointed & cold heart... I tot of let go...

On 29th nov, I was called into director room. Director asked alot questions, scared me... telling me wanna transfer me to another dept... :(

so worried.. later handed me an envelope.. keep urging me open n c... inside is a letter to retain me...

i asked why me? he said was discussed with my bos etc... sudden, i was speechless due to don't know how to response.. it came so sudden..

After coming out frm director's room, I waited for chances to talk to him.. but didnt had the opportunity..

So I reached home, struggled awhile whether to call him. And finally took up the courage n dial his no. Told him.. quiet frm his end, frm the other end of the phone, just hear him...

"ummm.. and then.. and then.." then laugh..

"belanja makan, when belanja?"

" want belanja makan or not?" hahaha

hang up the phone... and felt tat I was so bad.. all the while take him not understand, but he did a little thg at the back..

on 30th, worked late. car was parked at B3.. requested him to accompany me to car park.. also.. again.. ask by him "when belanja makan?" hehe

I asked him back chasing him at the back down the stairs "wat u want to eat?"

hearing him walking the stairs " let me think first.."

felt sweet & warmt.. thanks to him..

And thanks to God for opening my eyes & mind

I hope he will also come to know my God one day...

God, pls always protect this Good Man of mine..