Not sure how

This evening, he's mentioning the days he will be on leave...
naming the days to his deputies, he mentioned 17/07. I know this day is his gf bday..
after heard, i m so sad..........

then he was mumbling this day must take leave! so sad, means they r still together. perhaps rumours was just covering up...

later on, they further mentioned about whose n whose bday.. due to he mumble must take tat day... shud he had told tat day was his girls birthday... a special day..

san, is it time to wake up? shall i leave, so i could stay far far away forever
Lord, tell me how? y i so like him? if i patience and persistent, will he like me too?

why it is so complicated?

confused

what happen?

he suddenly nudge me.. then asked me watched hannah montana ? then send me song , and say after i listen wil recover very fast...

then his msn msg keep changing:
1. come n get higher (i like this song also, the lyric started with i miss the sound of your voice, i miss..)
- he missed his gf? or first love?
2. hatin on the club (sang by rihana, saying she saw her boy wit a new love, left her, she's heart broken)
- he meaning his first? or now existing? what happen?
3. touch my hand (by david archuleta, saying he saw a gal, and want to touch her hand, be with her)
- is he ok?
4. 1,2,3,4 (by plain white -t: just simple telling i love you, and thank you someone be there for him when he's hurt)
- is her existing gf?
5. crazier (by taylor swift, very crazy for someone)
- i guess he thinking about his first gal.......
6. then change the msg to woah - is lyric frm hatin on the club.. sounded so frust and sad...
- is he really ok?
7. then change again to wOOOAAAHhhhHhh - this seems his very very frust and sad...
- hey!!! hey!! r u ok? i m worried

i thought he went for transformer today... i know tis movie is his and he existing gf movie. they started last yr with transformer i guess.. as many saw both them in cinema... :(

i m confused and can't sleep..
i feel hurt.. coz knowing his heart is with other person. knowingly is not his fault, just myself who didnt wanna come out from the trap i set for myself...

pls be ok.. to him

fading away

whenever i talked about him.. i'll felt like crying..
scenario just as how I talked abot elfy...
does it mean, i sincerely just treated him as a fren only, a fren...

i really just wanna stay invisible.. and dont wish to care for him anymore
it's very very hurt.....

how to mend the hurting heart?
am i just so nothg?

fading away, fading away...

am just so useless, how come I still can't forget and get over about him?
useless....

Falling Apart

Maybe it's because I'm crazy,
Maybe it's because I just can't,
Honestly tell you what I want.
It's never enough to stay still and hold you,
To break loose and run the taste of you,
Wild on my tongue.

Am I no good to you now?
Am I no good to you now?

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh whoa-oh
We're spilling over.
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh whoa-oh
We're falling apart.

Spent my days with doctors,
And my nights with crooks,
And all of them who sell me for a song.
So I'm here.
Safe Dear.
A fiction in your arms.

Am I no good to you now?
Am I no good to you now?

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh whoa-oh
We're spilling over.
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh whoa-oh
We're falling apart.

So get me out
Start me over
For heaven's changedI should have told you

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh whoa-oh
I'm falling apart.

Cause all I say,
It doesn't matter anyway.
All I say,
It doesn't matter anyway.

I'm giving up,
So call my bluff.
Cause I just need to be reminded who I am.
I'm falling apart.

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh whoa-oh
We're spilling over.
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh whoa-oh
We're falling apart.

I'm giving up.
Starting over.
I wanna be,
The one who holds you.

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh whoa-oh
We're Falling apart.

So wanna be loved?
So wanna be loved?
So come on now
Come on love.

*missing him*
- jumping myself again in the trap

Invisible

as expected.. no reply on sms. remembered he said before will not reply unnecessary sms.. yea.. i m unnecessary. i wonder does his charlie angels unnecessary sms, he'll reply? i thk will reply...

i online & appear offline. nvr expect him to online. he online and rub off his msn msg and log off.
then went to fb, he's there too... i updated my status - sick... and faint, sleep till 10 somethg tis morning...
he rather update his comment on someone else's comment...

later on, i just re-post another comment: it's raining, pls careful & take care.. frm the heart is for him as knowingly he'll be travelling back to his hometown, taiping.

I tot i really had made up my mind... to stay away. but as I see him being at a no good plc, my heart melted and started to concern for him.. isn't it I jumping into the trap now by myself?

Sad....

I wanted to catch a movie, but no interest of my sis. By catching a movie, I can spend my time away without thinking the unnecessary thgs.

Am just invisible.. really ................... then i should really continue with that status forever...

.. u ok? i am worry

i m worry for him.. wat happen to him...? he became a stranger, he hurt my feelings... i really wanted to stay away. but lastly i surrender, as i see him sick, i can't let go.. yesterday, i waited till 11 somethg, he still not online, i got disappointed and offline telling myself forget abt him.. juz sent him a sms and went to sleep. today, i saw he actually online very late, 12 midnite plus, i guess.. he wrote on his msn msg: nose bleeding...chest aching...overdo at gym still...your damn fskup hwc !!!! wat happen? what does fskup stand for? how come he sounder torturing himself? is he ok? i felt i shud have waited for him to online... what happen? is he ok? i wish to ask him.. but how? what am i suppose to do? pls take care.. i so felt to send him sms now... should i? i scared i put an expectation, and i'll get disappointed once i did not hear from him... he is so egoistic... there were certain period, both us so close.. and out of sudden, he cut it off, and very cool to me.. it hurts.. as he had stirred my feelings.. and then he cut off himself... :( this was abt april tis yr, he spoke to me... did he nearly tell me he felt for me also? he swallowed his words.. and face got red.. lastly, he mentioned me n another person important to him, he sayang us most... he looked here n there when trying to speak... face got red.. did he just really wanna say tat? at that moment, felt we are possible.. but now, i seems the impossibility is greater and it is IMPOSSIBLE ! anyhow, i am very worry. pls be ok. pls talk to me... dear Lord, why? what should i do?