想着你...

你现在想着谁有 没有和我相同的感觉...

He always appear in my mind... I wonder if one day will get crazy thinking of him?

18.05.2011

Today he is MC/ EL?

I also not feeling well, diarhea and feel cold & weak... He did not online or on FB...
Is he very sick? Or what had happened?

Thinking, if one day, he finally found his d other one, how am I going to move on?
Is he already have someone?

Heart feeling very down.. How much I wish he is around...
To see his update somewhere is enough to warmt me...

Dear Lord, why? Tell me how to go on?

安静了，想着你

安静了，想着你。但愿可以静静地在你身边。生病了。身体生病了，心也病了

Diary : 13.05.2011

Had dinner with ex-colleague. She said she heard he got girl friend already..
I don't know I replied..
Heart feel very down... Yeah, he is going back very early...

Today, didnt talk to him at all.. Just seen him only..
Heart feel very down, wanna feel at the side of him. When with him, i can feel safe, secured...
Like I no need to worry...

Just because I like him, I guess....

Where is he? Facebook don't see him too :'(

Gave Him a call

After the incident, it keep circling in my mind...

So i gave him a call, tot trying my luck, if he does pick up, then i will say. The dial tone keep rang, but no one answer, then the operator put on saying the receipient is not answering at the moment.

So i tot just give up. Awhile later he called back. I told him got somethg wanna talk.. then he say ok la next tues la.. so bad. I stopped him say i wanna complaint abt my bos...

He just laugh and laugh and finally told me to forget abt her... then i said i wanna take back my decision can? he pretended not hearing it, say happy holiday, have a nice rest n good bye.

I reluctantly say bye.

And the conversation Hanged!

Twisted Truth

This new bos of mine is terrible!!
She can twist truth. how to work with this kind of person, is so scary..

Things she wanted to do, she blame it on me, say I was the one wanted to go for roadshow!
Hello, she is the one wanted to go north & south! And she put the pointer to me when was questionned about budget.. And used my words to tell it to the big bos, as if she was the one had rationale with me!

Damn angry & disappointed!

He says...

Today at Facebook, he updated a status : " Friends are like shoes. Some loose some tight. Some fit just right & they help us as we walk through life. "

hmmm.. am I the one that play an important role? Or will I just be a passer by...?

I wish he is still my bos. But I even wish we are closer friends...
But I can't feel he is ...

:(

He fell sick...

He fell sick d...
I was very busy... hardly see him these days.. felt I've not spoke to him since ages....

I m feeling very down, miss him though..
today met him @ lift during lunch hr.. I m always in a messed up situation.. I was suppose to get out at Ground floor but when lift stops at U1...i just got out without realising... Don't know what is running in my mind...

Saw him very moody, not just expression though.. Thought of speaking to him after back frm meeting. Rush n rush, when reach carpark, saw his car gone, slights of disappointment swipe through my heart...

Apparently, he fell sick already.. went home early... I after work about 8pm, dropped him a sms just asking him to take care n take a good rest.. Didnt expect him to reply though thinking he might be sleeping... but how much the heart wanted he does reply.. he did but was so simple : "ok will do"... my heart also felt down as I don't hv much response frm him...

Seeing him actively @ facebook, then he shd be fine.

Dreamt him few days back.. LOL... the dream, can't remember did I kissed him? or he did? hahaha...

I think I'm crazy thinking of him.. I just wanna be as cold as possible.. As I also facing alot problem in my work.. I do feel so down, I just want to keep quiet... very quiet...

Felt telling the new bos of mine, pls leave me alone & let me quietly do my work... I m feeling very stress....

I am just feeling so down.. I do wish he can speak to me though...
Sob sob...

Very sad

Hey there... I feel very sad... he is busy.. no time for me.. on the other hand, I am very stress and can't fit into the new place... feel sophiscated. I really miss him as a good boss.. I wish I could tell him more talk to him more... heart is really sorrow.... i wish to cry again yesterday cried sadly... today i feel like crying again :( I saw his FB a gal ajak him movie somemore... wah, looks like he is so so popular.. everyone just wanna go out wit him... I feel so sad.. Now we get closer, I jst so worry it will just gone d... I like to quietly stay around his side... but now is so far from him d... :( dEAR Lord..... I really miss him alot... I thk I really like him alot.. how ?

Misses him so alot

Transferred to the new dept for 3 weeks already... misses him alot... heart still feel the sorrows... but had to hide it... scared the relationship which was getting better will lost becoz this transfer :( So sad....

Why~ why~

Why?

Why he had to ignore me?

Lord, gif me a little courage!!

Transferred

With effect 1st march, I have transferred to antoher dept upon being requested. He've asked me several times, I've to say yes for the benefits of the bigger picture.

After being transferred, I felt I can't accept the fact, he is no longer my bos. We will not be as close as before.

Last sat, 12th march, we worked on a slides which he need to present to higher management. Enjoyed the working with him, getting his teasing, and me also "manja" abit to him. Never felt so closed in work.

How long more I could sustain without him being my bos, close supervisor, mentor and friend.
Very miss him but I can't show it. :(

Wish him well.!

这是爱吗? 你...我是傻瓜

为什么?
为什么当我正要开心过来，事情往往突有改变?

正在听着<我的野蛮王妃>的两首主题曲。
想起了他。
这两首歌，是我清楚记得，那时他有了新女朋友时的。

现在，我放下了许多。
不 过，我还是依然对他有感觉。
今 天是情人节。可是我们却没有表示。

他是否有喜欢我吗?
还是自己想多了?
不知道...

沉溺在歌曲中...
<这是爱吗?>
<你...我是傻瓜>

Like the feel with him

Today have a dinner date with him & ex-colleague cum fren.
Is a gathering dinner we used to have n this time to celebrate my fren birthday.

Was thinking long enuff to offer that I should drive him there instead of we drive individually.
Took up the courage told him, it's a new car, let me fetch him. Surprisingly, he agreed! Happy ^^

On the way there, he "inspect" my new car, analysing the new interior of vios.
Happy to be next to him, not talking about work. I felt the wall between us seems not there, like this natural feel, be next to him is so natural, so comfort, so secured, so nice!

Had dinner. Had chat. Found out his current status. He said he is now tie to work, not thinking others (serious? sad.... means he doesn't want a relationship)
Talk about his house. Admire him talking, me listening closely. In between jokes n some teasing. Nice!

After dinner, fetching him back to office. He sighing he is getting poorer as many thgs need $$. I consoled him said, hey bos, it's new year! Let's say : Bos u're very rich! haha..
Then he further inspect my car... talking about some technical stuff gals nvr notice. Great hearing him explained.

Finally reach office. Wish time passed by a little slower, wished that the journey was a bit longer...
Dropped him off at lobby, saying thanks to him. He wishing me safe journey home & have a nice weekend.

The day ended with my sms to him : TQ for the meal :) U too have a nice weekend!
Usual he never replied.

Like the feel be with him. Like it when we not talking about work.
Like that the wall seems broken... Like the feel that it's so natural!

Thanks to God!

受宠若惊

I am caught in shock...

yesterday was fetching a guy colleague home.. I just told him i not feeling well so leaving soon. he wanted to take a ride.

Once i come out from the wash room, he was standing at the lift. Spoke to me:

"are you ok?"

then took his hand jz put on my forehead.

"no fever ah..."

i was caught in deep surprise and shock, paused for a moment to response.

"err.. nothg la, jz feeling dizzy"

Lift arrived and we walked in.

"I've history of Low Blood Pressure, so easy feel dizzy.."

I really don know wat to say. Hope I did not thk too much. Just a surprise.

I thk I hope the most is another person who will do this to me, concern n care for me.

But, he will not.

Text him, but he no reply.

Hate that he don't reply.

My 2010 resolution, check & count down to 2011

Reading through my blog, found i did make a 2010 resolution. wow, i almost forgot... Let's see how's my progress...

Taken on 16 Feb 2010...

===============================================================================================================

2010 here d... have been quite some time.... but I had not set any resolution to achieve/ target/ a vision for this year...

1. to be more patience : I think I did a little improved... but still not there yet. Need work harder!
2. Become back the wai san used to be - patience, considerate, caring : NOPE...still not there :( But, got better
3. smile more : Someone told me I'm happier tis yr.. did I smile more? I thk so...
4. be happier : same as no. 3
5. travel to HK and 1 more place : NOT DONE!!! Try again!
6. be considerate, caring : hehe, repetitive again.. I thk I do, but i did more bad thgs, complaint also...
7. believe in GOD, he over charge everythg : :( very sorry to God, I always forget to pray. But I do believe him!! need improve more...
8. believe with own heart, be confidence : yes, managed to, need more courage & guidance
9. find back self value : LOST!!! still.... gain a little, lost it halfway :(
10. be open minded, be positive. : yes, done it!! :D
11. spend more time for myself : I did, off work earlier!!! OT lesser.. haha.. but still alot. But did alot thgs for myself this yr!! Not bad :D
12. read more : Yes!! I finished 1 book frm Him (The Blind Side), Eat Pray Love.. yay, let see if I can do it another book this yr :)
13. go more places : errr... did, manage drive alone to cheras, wangsa maju....
14. do what is right, keep away from wrong : still did some wrong stuffs :( but did also some good ones :)
15. talk less, complaint no more : NO... FAIL!!! Still complaint alot.. BAD
16. work harder : yes, I thk so :)
17. eat less, exercise more, go to gym more : NOPE!!! Eat more n more, gym no more :( Especially after redang
18. think of him lesser, slowly to no more : Yes, I did!!! but imbalance sometimes :S
19. a new car/ house : Bought a NEW CAR!! YAY!! 1st Aug 2010!!
20. save more $$ : Errr.. NOT REALLY :( But have some savings :)

Wish me luck

================================================================================================================

: - my comment checked, if I have achieved.

Looks like not bad..but also need work harder..Let count as at now, what's my achievement??

10 or 20!! wow.. not bad.. 50%.... yay!!

Long to go!!

Let's do another one at 31st dec 2010 again :)

Good Luck

He fell sick

today he fell sick already... half day MC

Later at late evening, abt 7.30pm, got to know he got high fever... he always sick.

Don't dare text him, let him rest.

Take care!

Dear Lord, pls heal him & keep him in your great protection. Thanks!

07.12.2010

today is public holiday... where is he ?

miss him.

why he is hot & cold? what he intend to do? play with my feelings?

proof that he is loved by alot ppl?

dating? then pls tell the whole world pls!! especially to me

then why don't let me go?

Let me go.... Don't keep me

Lord, why am i getting imbalance...

Lord I suppose do more meaningful thgs rite? So sorry... I m just so useless.

My prayer:

Dear Lord, I should do more meaningful stuff. Should pray for my dear fren Hian Kwang. Lord, please put ur healing hands on him. Let him recover soon.

Dear Lord, as well pls let Sam (my aunt's doggie) get well soon, and fast recovery frm the surgery.

Dear Lord, please give me strength & courage.

Dear Lord, please bless ppl like my aunt, my mum, my dad, my both sis, my bos wic is him, my frens.

Dear Lord, thank you for wonderful days & also tough times so I can be stronger.

Dear Lord, Thank you for ur uncountible blessings upon me.

Dear Lord, thank you thank you.

Amen.

my bos = him

Once I though I am so disappointed & cold heart... I tot of let go...

On 29th nov, I was called into director room. Director asked alot questions, scared me... telling me wanna transfer me to another dept... :(

so worried.. later handed me an envelope.. keep urging me open n c... inside is a letter to retain me...

i asked why me? he said was discussed with my bos etc... sudden, i was speechless due to don't know how to response.. it came so sudden..

After coming out frm director's room, I waited for chances to talk to him.. but didnt had the opportunity..

So I reached home, struggled awhile whether to call him. And finally took up the courage n dial his no. Told him.. quiet frm his end, frm the other end of the phone, just hear him...

"ummm.. and then.. and then.." then laugh..

"belanja makan, when belanja?"

" want belanja makan or not?" hahaha

hang up the phone... and felt tat I was so bad.. all the while take him not understand, but he did a little thg at the back..

on 30th, worked late. car was parked at B3.. requested him to accompany me to car park.. also.. again.. ask by him "when belanja makan?" hehe

I asked him back chasing him at the back down the stairs "wat u want to eat?"

hearing him walking the stairs " let me think first.."

felt sweet & warmt.. thanks to him..

And thanks to God for opening my eyes & mind

I hope he will also come to know my God one day...

God, pls always protect this Good Man of mine..

04.09.2010

very miss him...
he got new girl fren d?

31/08 - i was sick, i so miss him tat i wish he will gif me a sms.. hahaha

miss him why?