2012 first blog post

Wow, it's such long time since I hv posted in the blog.

Many things and events took place in the past months of 2011 and 2012. Now is already mid of June for 2012, in fact Mid Year of 2012!!

Being in ups and downs... miserably live through the year, being busy and busy... nevertheless survived through 2011.

Grew old in 2012, March 27, gaining 28th this year. Tears shed terribly on the day, a day which totally hurt and could not have more hurt than that.

Learnt to face reality is such blunt, and still searching for the one that really treasures me one day.

Learnt to enjoy each moment, live for myself a little bit more. Be more courages, mind other ppl lesser.

Sometimes emotion could get extreme imbalance, learning to let go and take it easy each day. Learnt to care less what people would want to comment about me. Do every best, faith in God.

Whenever thgs are getting tougher, telling myself ahead : God have a better one coming.

Whenever being hurt and stabbed by others, telling myself : God will soon reward a Mr. Nice for me and he shall take care of me.

Set no revolution for 2012, and half-past the year. What can I achieved?
Have being super busy with work, thgs in family. Havent know what I really want...
Still in the lost world, living through each days...

What are my dreams? Well said, live to achieve dreams... But if you don't even know what the dreams, what should we live for??

Sighing, wonder & wonder when could see the light, or I hv blinded folded myself?

Is happiness that far away?

我被删除了吗?

我被删除了吗?

发现他好像不同了。

他不再关心我了。

我被删除了吗?

 还是他在努力的掩饰着?

还是他真的有了对象，不再理我了?

他可以坦诚告诉我发生了什么事吗?

告诉他

原来他真的从未察觉我的心意.

真的有一股冲动想告诉他

"我很想爱他"

可是也怕这一说，什么都没有了。

可是，不说成了我心中的背包.

他真的啪拖了。对象也被我猜中了。哈哈哈

! 心痛极了!

告诉了他，就永远藏起来吧

! 好吗?

好让我好好的释放出来吧

! 从此，就此画上句点。。。

慧珊，加油

! 告诉他吧!

Fly day.. Gonna miss Him

Gonna fly to HK at 4pm today...

Yesterday at work, I IM him to tell him indirectly i m gonna be away for few days.
He didnt ask where m i going, just say on leave ka...

I wish he could ask more :( I will really miss him...

Wish that can always have him by myside. :)

伤心....

原来多年的信任、交情只不过是如此而已

...

我的路程真的是如此坎坷吗?
我真的变成了外人另了吗?

把我送了出去，就是如此而已吗

?
是我傻傻的付出吗? 我的真心你从未察觉吗?还是你当成玩意儿?

Hold your hand...

I dreamt, a few times, holding a firm n warmt hand of a guy.. I hardly can see the person's face...
But I know is him... He always appeared in my dreams...

If we weren't meant together, why I always dream of you? especially to hold my hand...
Is it because there was once I fell, I grabbed your hand so tight till today I can't forget the warmt of your hand...

I read a dream analysis report, it say, if you dreamt of holding someone's hand, good luck will come...
Is it true? when my luck of holding your hand will come again... ?

Complicated Mood

Today driving morning driving to work, a brand new hyundai sonata was right in front me, driving relatively slow....

Carplate was WVH 896... i was looking at the plate, wow, cars are being released so fast!! so fast it is WVH.... then i onli realised 896 is his ex car plate.... I can't see who is the driver, bt the driver drove till near turn off to KL central... CIMB?? seems to be... she worked there? and she now stay d'sara (all these I heard)... so, will it really she? did she saw me then? coz i was right behind...

hmm.. after i join PC, he seems so cold.. today they went out... i dont know i miss my time at endt...

Feel he will no longer bother about me.. when think about it, tears just rolling in the eyes...

Late last year n early this year, we get closer, chat abit, talk became easier.... I tot the gap of us will close and distance can get abit nearer....
When things just tot will be better... I need to leave him...

Now the Gap/ distance started to grow.. I so miss him, and no longer we chat... no longer we dinner...

Rolling tears, sobbing heart... my close friend is leaving, tis journey is gonna be more difficult to walk on...

:(

Where is he? Kept thinking about him, why?
Is it true that he already seeing someone?

I keep thinking, isn't there's no fate between us?
That's why, it's so near/ close, yet seems so far away....

I really just wanna keep very very quiet until he don't see me around...
Just wanna shrink to very very tiny until is unnoticeable....

想着你...

你现在想着谁有 没有和我相同的感觉...

He always appear in my mind... I wonder if one day will get crazy thinking of him?

18.05.2011

Today he is MC/ EL?

I also not feeling well, diarhea and feel cold & weak... He did not online or on FB...
Is he very sick? Or what had happened?

Thinking, if one day, he finally found his d other one, how am I going to move on?
Is he already have someone?

Heart feeling very down.. How much I wish he is around...
To see his update somewhere is enough to warmt me...

Dear Lord, why? Tell me how to go on?

安静了，想着你

安静了，想着你。但愿可以静静地在你身边。生病了。身体生病了，心也病了

Diary : 13.05.2011

Had dinner with ex-colleague. She said she heard he got girl friend already..
I don't know I replied..
Heart feel very down... Yeah, he is going back very early...

Today, didnt talk to him at all.. Just seen him only..
Heart feel very down, wanna feel at the side of him. When with him, i can feel safe, secured...
Like I no need to worry...

Just because I like him, I guess....

Where is he? Facebook don't see him too :'(

Gave Him a call

After the incident, it keep circling in my mind...

So i gave him a call, tot trying my luck, if he does pick up, then i will say. The dial tone keep rang, but no one answer, then the operator put on saying the receipient is not answering at the moment.

So i tot just give up. Awhile later he called back. I told him got somethg wanna talk.. then he say ok la next tues la.. so bad. I stopped him say i wanna complaint abt my bos...

He just laugh and laugh and finally told me to forget abt her... then i said i wanna take back my decision can? he pretended not hearing it, say happy holiday, have a nice rest n good bye.

I reluctantly say bye.

And the conversation Hanged!

Twisted Truth

This new bos of mine is terrible!!
She can twist truth. how to work with this kind of person, is so scary..

Things she wanted to do, she blame it on me, say I was the one wanted to go for roadshow!
Hello, she is the one wanted to go north & south! And she put the pointer to me when was questionned about budget.. And used my words to tell it to the big bos, as if she was the one had rationale with me!

Damn angry & disappointed!

He says...

Today at Facebook, he updated a status : " Friends are like shoes. Some loose some tight. Some fit just right & they help us as we walk through life. "

hmmm.. am I the one that play an important role? Or will I just be a passer by...?

I wish he is still my bos. But I even wish we are closer friends...
But I can't feel he is ...

:(

He fell sick...

He fell sick d...
I was very busy... hardly see him these days.. felt I've not spoke to him since ages....

I m feeling very down, miss him though..
today met him @ lift during lunch hr.. I m always in a messed up situation.. I was suppose to get out at Ground floor but when lift stops at U1...i just got out without realising... Don't know what is running in my mind...

Saw him very moody, not just expression though.. Thought of speaking to him after back frm meeting. Rush n rush, when reach carpark, saw his car gone, slights of disappointment swipe through my heart...

Apparently, he fell sick already.. went home early... I after work about 8pm, dropped him a sms just asking him to take care n take a good rest.. Didnt expect him to reply though thinking he might be sleeping... but how much the heart wanted he does reply.. he did but was so simple : "ok will do"... my heart also felt down as I don't hv much response frm him...

Seeing him actively @ facebook, then he shd be fine.

Dreamt him few days back.. LOL... the dream, can't remember did I kissed him? or he did? hahaha...

I think I'm crazy thinking of him.. I just wanna be as cold as possible.. As I also facing alot problem in my work.. I do feel so down, I just want to keep quiet... very quiet...

Felt telling the new bos of mine, pls leave me alone & let me quietly do my work... I m feeling very stress....

I am just feeling so down.. I do wish he can speak to me though...
Sob sob...

Very sad

Hey there... I feel very sad... he is busy.. no time for me.. on the other hand, I am very stress and can't fit into the new place... feel sophiscated. I really miss him as a good boss.. I wish I could tell him more talk to him more... heart is really sorrow.... i wish to cry again yesterday cried sadly... today i feel like crying again :( I saw his FB a gal ajak him movie somemore... wah, looks like he is so so popular.. everyone just wanna go out wit him... I feel so sad.. Now we get closer, I jst so worry it will just gone d... I like to quietly stay around his side... but now is so far from him d... :( dEAR Lord..... I really miss him alot... I thk I really like him alot.. how ?

Misses him so alot

Transferred to the new dept for 3 weeks already... misses him alot... heart still feel the sorrows... but had to hide it... scared the relationship which was getting better will lost becoz this transfer :( So sad....

Why~ why~

Why?

Why he had to ignore me?

Lord, gif me a little courage!!

Transferred

With effect 1st march, I have transferred to antoher dept upon being requested. He've asked me several times, I've to say yes for the benefits of the bigger picture.

After being transferred, I felt I can't accept the fact, he is no longer my bos. We will not be as close as before.

Last sat, 12th march, we worked on a slides which he need to present to higher management. Enjoyed the working with him, getting his teasing, and me also "manja" abit to him. Never felt so closed in work.

How long more I could sustain without him being my bos, close supervisor, mentor and friend.
Very miss him but I can't show it. :(

Wish him well.!