What Happen to me??????????

What has happened to me? What has happened to my family? I felt so lost... Where should I head for solutions??

I don't know since when I become so miserable.. I don't know why there are so many unhappy stuffs happening around me..Or I have became a pesimist person..That's why everything to me are such 'unhappy'?

My family... My family background has brought me up to a person that is lacked of self-confidence.. You may see me standing on the stage giving speeches or presentation with no fear or very confidence.. But, in actual fact, I am not a person who has self-confidence.. Especially when I met someone that I like, I will never have the courage to tell him.. The most important fact is not no courage, but no SELF CONFIDENCE..

What kind of family I am from? How should I say it or describe it? Although I have many many friends but only 1 or 2 knew about my family background such as what a person is my father? Not even my very best friend know well about me.. I may look tough and happy-going person.. But, I am not.. Deep down in my heart.. I always filled with worries and sadness...

I wish I could grown up fast enough to bring my mother and sisters away.. And make them have a happy lives and live without sadness... I wish I could be a success person and no one knows about my family..

I wish to find love.. Love that let me feel secure.. In the family.. I don't have such securing love.. I knew I have to work extra hard for things.. And I did and did it with my most sincere heart.. But, why there are so call betrayal of friends.. Friends to me are important..and I have never try to hurt any of them.. Why in return I get is betrayal?

I am scared I couldn't find someone that loves me.. I wish there is someone to 'save' me from such a situation... Yes, there is.. I trust in GOD.. coz I am a christian.. I know HE will one day bring me the best guy.. Thank you..

Anyway.. I really got a lot of problems hide deep in my heart.. I don't know how to tell.. coz it may take days to finish my story.. And there wouldn't be anyone willingly to be listening to such a long long story..

I hope I can keep tough and strong and walk through, in the midst of all these problems.. :>