Not sure how

This evening, he's mentioning the days he will be on leave...
naming the days to his deputies, he mentioned 17/07. I know this day is his gf bday..
after heard, i m so sad..........

then he was mumbling this day must take leave! so sad, means they r still together. perhaps rumours was just covering up...

later on, they further mentioned about whose n whose bday.. due to he mumble must take tat day... shud he had told tat day was his girls birthday... a special day..

san, is it time to wake up? shall i leave, so i could stay far far away forever
Lord, tell me how? y i so like him? if i patience and persistent, will he like me too?

why it is so complicated?

confused

what happen?

he suddenly nudge me.. then asked me watched hannah montana ? then send me song , and say after i listen wil recover very fast...

then his msn msg keep changing:
1. come n get higher (i like this song also, the lyric started with i miss the sound of your voice, i miss..)
- he missed his gf? or first love?
2. hatin on the club (sang by rihana, saying she saw her boy wit a new love, left her, she's heart broken)
- he meaning his first? or now existing? what happen?
3. touch my hand (by david archuleta, saying he saw a gal, and want to touch her hand, be with her)
- is he ok?
4. 1,2,3,4 (by plain white -t: just simple telling i love you, and thank you someone be there for him when he's hurt)
- is her existing gf?
5. crazier (by taylor swift, very crazy for someone)
- i guess he thinking about his first gal.......
6. then change the msg to woah - is lyric frm hatin on the club.. sounded so frust and sad...
- is he really ok?
7. then change again to wOOOAAAHhhhHhh - this seems his very very frust and sad...
- hey!!! hey!! r u ok? i m worried

i thought he went for transformer today... i know tis movie is his and he existing gf movie. they started last yr with transformer i guess.. as many saw both them in cinema... :(

i m confused and can't sleep..
i feel hurt.. coz knowing his heart is with other person. knowingly is not his fault, just myself who didnt wanna come out from the trap i set for myself...

pls be ok.. to him

fading away

whenever i talked about him.. i'll felt like crying..
scenario just as how I talked abot elfy...
does it mean, i sincerely just treated him as a fren only, a fren...

i really just wanna stay invisible.. and dont wish to care for him anymore
it's very very hurt.....

how to mend the hurting heart?
am i just so nothg?

fading away, fading away...

am just so useless, how come I still can't forget and get over about him?
useless....

Falling Apart

Maybe it's because I'm crazy,
Maybe it's because I just can't,
Honestly tell you what I want.
It's never enough to stay still and hold you,
To break loose and run the taste of you,
Wild on my tongue.

Am I no good to you now?
Am I no good to you now?

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh whoa-oh
We're spilling over.
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh whoa-oh
We're falling apart.

Spent my days with doctors,
And my nights with crooks,
And all of them who sell me for a song.
So I'm here.
Safe Dear.
A fiction in your arms.

Am I no good to you now?
Am I no good to you now?

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh whoa-oh
We're spilling over.
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh whoa-oh
We're falling apart.

So get me out
Start me over
For heaven's changedI should have told you

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh whoa-oh
I'm falling apart.

Cause all I say,
It doesn't matter anyway.
All I say,
It doesn't matter anyway.

I'm giving up,
So call my bluff.
Cause I just need to be reminded who I am.
I'm falling apart.

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh whoa-oh
We're spilling over.
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh whoa-oh
We're falling apart.

I'm giving up.
Starting over.
I wanna be,
The one who holds you.

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh whoa-oh
We're Falling apart.

So wanna be loved?
So wanna be loved?
So come on now
Come on love.

*missing him*
- jumping myself again in the trap

Invisible

as expected.. no reply on sms. remembered he said before will not reply unnecessary sms.. yea.. i m unnecessary. i wonder does his charlie angels unnecessary sms, he'll reply? i thk will reply...

i online & appear offline. nvr expect him to online. he online and rub off his msn msg and log off.
then went to fb, he's there too... i updated my status - sick... and faint, sleep till 10 somethg tis morning...
he rather update his comment on someone else's comment...

later on, i just re-post another comment: it's raining, pls careful & take care.. frm the heart is for him as knowingly he'll be travelling back to his hometown, taiping.

I tot i really had made up my mind... to stay away. but as I see him being at a no good plc, my heart melted and started to concern for him.. isn't it I jumping into the trap now by myself?

Sad....

I wanted to catch a movie, but no interest of my sis. By catching a movie, I can spend my time away without thinking the unnecessary thgs.

Am just invisible.. really ................... then i should really continue with that status forever...

.. u ok? i am worry

i m worry for him.. wat happen to him...? he became a stranger, he hurt my feelings... i really wanted to stay away. but lastly i surrender, as i see him sick, i can't let go.. yesterday, i waited till 11 somethg, he still not online, i got disappointed and offline telling myself forget abt him.. juz sent him a sms and went to sleep. today, i saw he actually online very late, 12 midnite plus, i guess.. he wrote on his msn msg: nose bleeding...chest aching...overdo at gym still...your damn fskup hwc !!!! wat happen? what does fskup stand for? how come he sounder torturing himself? is he ok? i felt i shud have waited for him to online... what happen? is he ok? i wish to ask him.. but how? what am i suppose to do? pls take care.. i so felt to send him sms now... should i? i scared i put an expectation, and i'll get disappointed once i did not hear from him... he is so egoistic... there were certain period, both us so close.. and out of sudden, he cut it off, and very cool to me.. it hurts.. as he had stirred my feelings.. and then he cut off himself... :( this was abt april tis yr, he spoke to me... did he nearly tell me he felt for me also? he swallowed his words.. and face got red.. lastly, he mentioned me n another person important to him, he sayang us most... he looked here n there when trying to speak... face got red.. did he just really wanna say tat? at that moment, felt we are possible.. but now, i seems the impossibility is greater and it is IMPOSSIBLE ! anyhow, i am very worry. pls be ok. pls talk to me... dear Lord, why? what should i do?

Can he say abit more?

Sometimes... I wonder did I asked too much, or my question bothered him too much till he does not want to answer?

For instance, I asked is there gonna lunch since the movie started late? No reply-

And just now, I asked if he had the 1st episode of red cliff - replied: tarlak
And I further asked if he knew wat is a ignition coil (car parts)
Later, I caught an idea to googled myself, but soon after, i dropped him a reply, say I googgled the answer myself - then he became offline...
Can't he express by an OK?

So am i too bothering till he choses to offline?

Sigh...

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus - I am learning the technique to communicate with him & understd man/ guys..
I just needed some concern...

Nah.. Why should I hope? Not have told myself.. since today not even an sms by him when I took my lrt home... Then, I should not have a little hope from him..
I tot I hv taken a deep breath and decided to throw away the hope?
Hahaha.. Why I still bothered msn him?

Take another deep breath and offline too myself.. & forget it!

Happy Birthday To HIM....

Today, 3rd Aug, is his Birthday....

Celebrated with karaoke with him, bought him cake...
How come he seems a bit down?

I wish to see him HAPPY..
Although his not mine, and I felt sad over alot of things he does to me, BUT, I still wish he would be happy & fine...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

What can I do?

I haven't slept at all in days
It's been so long since we've talked
And I have been here many times
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

There's only so much I can take
And I just got to let it go
And who knows I might feel better
If I don't try and I don't hope

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

No more waiting,
No more aching
No more fighting,
No more trying

Maybe there's nothing more to say
And in a funny way I'm calm
Because the power is not mine
I'm just gonna let it fly

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

What can I really do?
All will do just hide up my feelings.. and hide myself..

Another day in July.. The horoscope says... is it true?

Friendster Horoscope for July 9, 2008

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)[?]

The Bottom Line
This is a wonderful day to get some stuff started! Stop stalling and start doing!

In Detail
This is a wonderful day to get stuff started! If you've been delaying making travel plans, calling up that cutie, or getting you car fixed, it's time to stop stalling and do what you need to do. You've been thinking and pondering long enough. Now it's time to act. You can be confident that whatever is begun today will end in a huge success. As for your concerns that you're not quite ready: Well, you're never going to be completely prepared. But you can make things up as you go along!

The horoscope say for today...

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)[?]

The Bottom Line
You have been putting the needs of other people ahead of your own for far too long.

In Detail
As selfish as it might sound, you need to put yourself first, today. You have been putting the needs of other people ahead of your own priorities for far too long, and it's high time for you to get yourself back at the top of your list. You have accumulated far more karma points than you could ever use, so why keep racking them up? Take a break today. Do something nice for yourself, because you are your favorite person. You don't have to earn this attention.

But I wish I could do more for him..
Is that love?
Does he feel the same?

I'm Yours

I'm Yours

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you’re so hot that I melted

I fell right through the cracks
and now I’m trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I’ll be giving it my bestest
Nothing’s going to stop me but divine intervention

I reckon it’s again my turn to win some or learn some
I won’t hesitate no more, no more

It cannot wait, I’m yours
Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you’re free
Look into your heart and you’ll find love love love

Listen to the music of the moment maybe sing with me
A lá peaceful melody

It’s your God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won’t hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I’m sure
There’s no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I’m yours

I’ve been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer

My breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what i’ma saying is there ain’t no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons

It’s what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

I won’t hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I’m sure
Well no no, well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you’re free
Look into your heart and you’ll find love love love love

No please, don’t complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I’m yours

(Artist: Jason Mraz)


*San: Can it be? Will it be possible?*

Crushing

*Crushing*

Took a quick quiz juz now.

Results:
You have a crush on someone! Crushing is a bit different than love, but it feels like almost the same thing. You think of that special person constantly, and your heart is full of hope and anticipation. Good luck to you!

Wanna laugh... Where's my luck then??
This really making me cry..tears...

Waiting All My Life

Everybody needs it, everybody wants it
Everybody's searching for someone
Been down a thousand highways
Baby, I've been

Waiting all my life to find you
Alwayz been one step behind you
Your love babe, I've been waiting all my life

I was tired of waiting, every night was praying
Everyday would be the day I'd find you
I grew so impatient, how long would it take
To know you were out there somewhere?
Somewhere waiting, wondering just like me

I've been waiting all my life to love you
All that time I was dreaming of you
Your love babe, I've been waiting all my life

And did I lose faith, did I lose heart?
Maybe I did, but never lost my way
To where you are, I've been

Waiting all my life to find you
Alwayz been one step behind you
Your love babe, I've been waiting all my life

I've been waiting all my life to love you
All that time I was dreaming of you
Your love babe, I've been waiting
Your love I've been waiting
Your love I've been waiting all my life
All my life, all my life

Artist: Rascal Flatts

I m nobody to him

Really nobody to him...

Don't seems he appreciate my gift...

SIGH.........

我问他， 明天是否有兴趣看电影去。他却敷衍的回答我，明天才决定。。

下班时， 他还大大声说: 他去拍拖了。。。

原来，在他心中， 我未占一点位置。我不如他身边那些只是在他面前嘻哈的女孩。


我又不是他的什么人。何来占任何位置呢?

Nobody, nobody to him.... :(

想他

想他。

连度假，也在想他。

想他啊~

唉。。。。

很无奈的呀!

该怎么办?

真的真的很喜欢他。
怎么办?

假装若无其事。
对他不闻不问。
心中很难受。

看着他离开，回家， 会傻的去查看IM。
他的女朋友也一块下班吗?
想着他们会去约会，心中不禁低落，可是却要提醒自己这是事实。
为何要如此折磨自己?

刻意让自己在工作里很忙很忙。
没有多余时间去观察他。
心中是真的很难受的。

我真的不知该怎么办了。。。
只能偷偷流泪。
我真的是傻瓜!

好想永远握住他的手

昨天晚上， 看完电影， 步行回到公司。
正当走着下楼下的停车场， 我摔倒了。

他伸出援手， 想要把我扶起。
我摔得很疼。只能坐在石阶上。
我紧紧握住他的手。牢牢的握住。咬着唇，忍着那剧痛。

我握住他的手，紧紧的抓住。
但愿， 我真的能永远都握住他的手。
虽然脚很痛， 但我还是忍着。

不知是心中有数， 很快地我还是脱开他的手。
现在想起了，心中的痛比身体受的伤， 还要痛。

他知道吗?我好想他， 好想他身边的她是我。
他感觉到吗?
我真的很无助。
我不能说。只能装酷。

我真的舍不得。。。。

期待你的爱

My Life 一直在等待
空荡的口袋
想在里面放
一份爱

Why 总是被打败
真的好无奈
其实我
实实在在
不管帅不帅
想要找回来
自己的节拍
所以这一次
我要勇敢
大声说出来

期待 期待你发现我的爱
无所不在 我自然而然的关怀
你的存在 心灵感应的方向
我一眼就看出来
是因为爱

我猜
你早已发现我的爱
绕几个弯 越靠近越明白
不要走开
幸福的开始
就是放手去爱

曲：林俊杰 词：林怡凤 许环良


也许， 这份感觉只能默默的埋藏在心底。
他都有了新的对象了。

发现原来自己是这么的喜欢着他。
说放开， 不知说了几百几万遍。
可是， 放了又提起来。

那天， 他问我为何为他感到开心。
我楞住了。随意回答了，因为为他感到值得， 他的努力终于被赏识了。
我很努力的掩饰自己的感觉。
不可以让他知道自己的感觉。因为他已是属于别的女孩的了。

我想， 我可以提名"最佳演员"了。
每一回想关心他，却只可以装得若无其事。
偷偷的从他的好朋友，打听他的状况。

就让我静静的一个人吧!

My Wish (for you)

My wish - For you
My wish for the one who only can be kept in my heart..
My wish for myself...

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.

And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,
But more than anything, more than anything,

My wish, for you,
is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big,
and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you,
and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.
But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Y eah, this, is my wish.

My wish, for you,
is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big,
and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you,
and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big


他升职了!
我好高兴， 比自己升职还来得开心。
他终于成为department 里的唯一department head.
知道将来的路， 他会更辛苦。
不过， 很开心因为他终于成功了!
愿望: 希望他一切顺利!

回到过去

一盏黄黄旧旧的灯
时间在旁闷不吭声
寂寞下手毫无分寸
不懂得轻重之分
沉默支撑跃过陌生
静静看着凌晨黄昏


你的身影
失去平衡
慢慢下沉
黑暗已在空中盘旋
该往哪我看不见
也许爱在梦的另一端
无法存活在真实的空间

想回到过去
试着抱你在怀里
羞怯的脸带有一点稚气
想看你的看的世界，想在你梦的画面
只要靠在一起就能感觉甜蜜

想回到过去
试着让故事继续
至少不再让你离我而去
分散时间的注意
这次会抱得更紧
这样挽留不知还来不来得及

想回到过去
思绪不断阻挡着回忆播放
盲目的追寻仍然空空荡荡
灰蒙蒙的夜晚睡意又不知躲到哪去
一转身孤单已躺在身旁

词：刘耕宏 曲：周杰伦 编曲：林迈可

**可是， 已回不到过去了